Dear Ethan…

Dear Ethan,

You will always be a little boy to me. Even when you say “hey mom”, and the voice coming from your mouth is the voice of a man, you are still my little boy. You will forever hold my heart in the palm of your hand.

On the days when I annoy you with all my questions, and nag you until you  can’t stand hearing my voice any longer know that I love you and I am just trying to connect with you. The moments when we are driving in the car discussing your future and you look over to find a tear trickling down my cheek. Just know that I am trying to stay strong. I want you to go live life, and have all of your dreams come true, but letting you go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Each day that passes, each year you grow older, I have to let go of more and more. This isn’t easy for me because you have been by my side, my little buddy for over a decade.

I know as a parent my job is to raise you so that one day you can leave and become the amazing man you were meat to be, but please know this is bittersweet for me. I am so very proud of the young man you are, and the amazing things you will do someday, but I am still struggling to let you go little by little. To set you free, and allow you to fly.

You are more than I could have ever imagined having in a son. You are kind, and caring. You have a heart of gold, and you feel things so deeply. You have insight that I never had at your age, and you empathize with people without even trying. You are a leader on the field, and you stand up for the underdogs. You are mature beyond your years, and you set yourself to a high standard. Many of the qualities you possess adults still struggle with.

You love fiercely, and protect those you love with all your heart. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I thank God everyday for allowing me to be your mom. You have blessed my life more than you will ever know.

In fact there was a time before you that I never wanted kids. Not because I did not like kids, but because I did not think I could be a good mom. I never had an example to look up to, and I didn’t ever want to be responsible for another human when I had no idea what to do. I only ever saw what not to do as a parent so how could I ever hope to be a good mom to a child. You have shown me that love comes naturally and being a mom is the best thing I have ever done. I know I don’t always do everything right, but everything I do is to protect you, love you, and provide a life for you that I never had. I am learning as I go, but I hope you will always look back and know that I loved you with everything I had, and I would do anything in the world for you.

Love you always and forever,

Mom