Change Is In The Air…

We had just moved into our new house, and my new baby sister was very close to being born. I was so excited. Life seemed like it couldn’t get much better. It was a few months after we moved in that my sister was born. She was just as beautiful as my first sister, and I couldn’t wait for her to grow up so we could all play together. If I had known then what the future would bring I would have held tightly to those happy feelings and never let go.

I started to notice a change in things shortly after my youngest sister was born. My stepdad seemed to be gone a lot because he was driving across country for a trucking company. My mom seemed sad a lot, and I started to notice that she always had a strange smell. I did not know it then, but now I know that it was the smell of alcohol.

Even at a young age I knew something was different about my mom, but I just didn’t understand what. She seemed really sad some days,  acted strange other days,and then seemed to be my mom at times. Little things made her really angry and she spoke with a strange sound to her voice. Every time her voice had that sound almost like she was from a different country, I knew that it was better for me to stay away from her, and leave her alone. I always wondered why she sounded like that some days, and not on other days, but I never wanted to ask her because I was afraid she would get mad. At times she was the old mom that I remembered her being, and some days it seemed like another person had taken over her body.

The times when my stepdad was home from being on the road were the worst! My mom  always seemed to be mad at him, and they always fought. The countless nights of yelling and screaming will forever be sketched  in my memory. On many of these nights I awoke to the loud screams and cries coming from the living room. There were  many nights I would sit in my bedroom with my sisters, holding them while trying to block out the sounds. One of these nights stands out more than all of the rest. This night left a mark on me for many years, and I had nightmares for a long time after living through this night. In my next post I will go into more detail about the night I will never forgot. So follow my blog to continue on this journey with me.